April 29, 2012
Dear John Friend,
I write this letter directly to you to guide me to stay in the vulnerability and truth of my heart (a teaching I learned from you) while I share my heart with you. Prior to February 2012, I held you as my senior asana and one of my spiritual teachers. I have been a devoted student of Anusara for thirteen years and a committed and enthusiastic Anusara teacher for over eight years. Anusara is the ONLY system of yoga I have ever practiced. I began in January 1999 and this is the yoga that I have lived. I did not start practicing yoga until the age of forty-one but after my first class with Suzie Hurley, I had an awakening of coming home. I am now fifty-four. I have an intermediate practice, some days more beginner level. I was one of your regular devoted students, not in your inner circle or hip group.
Anusara has served as an anchor and refuge for my life for the last 13 years. When I first began yoga, I had a full and mostly happy life raising my seven year old daughter and nine year old son and working as a litigation attorney. I was drawn to yoga to find quiet-the Divine was calling me home. Within 8 months of becoming a member of Willow Street and practicing with Suzie, my first husband suffered a catastrophic accident which resulted in a fractured neck and spinal cord injury that impacted the entire left side of his body. My life completely shattered in every way… The Anusara community helped me heal through significant and profound grief, fear, loss and ongoing crises that went on for several years. I felt safe in this community. I experienced substantial trauma and loss during the last thirteen years: divorce, a life-threatening illness, major and ongoing challenges with my daughter and now, the failing health and impending death of my mother. This community has been a haven and refuge for me. It helped me to skillfully work thru and release so much pain.
In addition, I also met some of my dearest friends in Anusara that will be lifetime friends and my Beloved John, my second husband at an Anusara Teachers’ Training approximately five years ago. Anusara has been a sacred and cherished part of my life for the last thirteen years. Over the course of several years, I transitioned and left the practice of law after 20 years to become a full-time Anusara yoga teacher-that’s what a profound impact it had on my life.
Now, here I stand, utterly devastated by the debacle of our Anusara community during the last several months. My heart has been shattered and severely betrayed by your deceitful, unethical and manipulative behaviors. My heart deeply aches with pain about all of the harm your actions have caused our community. Even though it is twelve weeks since the spiritual tsunami hit our community, I continue to be in a state of shock, bewilderment and disbelief over what has transpired. Your actions have irreparably damaged the name Anusara and made a mockery of yoga in general and the spiritual teachings of yoga. Your egregious actions have caused me and every member of our community substantial spiritual, emotional and financial harm. It will take me many months and perhaps years to process the significant loss and harm your actions have manifested for me and our community.
I offer this letter to inform you that I am resigning as probably one of your newest certified teachers. I am resigning even though I haven’t received my Anusara certification certificate that I paid for approximately three months ago. I was informed by Deb Neubauer that she watched my video during the last week of January 2012. Then, on Feb. 9, 2012, at the beginning of the scandal you created, Deb informed me that my video submission passed for certification and two days later, on February 11, 2012, Betsey informed me of the approval of my written examination for completion of my certification. When Deb informed me that my video had passed for certification, she graciously welcomed me into the Anusara community but said the following: “J, I want to enthusiastically welcome you as the newest member of certified teachers in the Anusara community-if we still have a community and system that will exist…” This is the backdrop, the taint of your unethical actions seeping into the community, in learning about the completion of my Anusara certification.
I worked courageously and tirelessly to accomplish the Anusara certification for four years since I was accepted into the certification process. I juggled, as many of us have, shooting videos while working and raising a family. For me, the majority of my certification process was very challenging at best. I experienced an extremely difficult relationship with my first reviewer for four years prior to having Deb assigned as my new reviewer. With my first reviewer, I submitted at least five, perhaps six videos for her review over the course of four years. With each video review, there was always a long laundry list of areas she wanted me to work on. In my experience, she was always looking for a “perfect video.” When Deb was assigned to be my reviewer, she initially reviewed the last video that my first reviewer had reviewed. Instead of being given a laundry list of items to work on, Deb primarily directed me to work on being “more spacious and to talk less.” Deb informed me that the laundry list of items told to work on had in fact been accomplished in this video. I shot another several videos in the fall 2011 and turned in a video to Deb in Dec. 2011 that she approved for certification in early Feb. 2012.
I painfully realize now that a significant part of the reason I allowed myself to be subjected to this process with my first reviewer for so long was the ingrained Anusara mentality of “look for the good, keep doing your best and stand steady in the fire” that you John repeatedly directed us to do. Also, the unspoken taboo to not question or voice any criticism about how the certification process was unfolding in fear of receiving punitive measures, i.e. not being given the sacred Anusara certification. Also, I was aware that my first reviewer and her husband were very close friends of yours (because of the comments that were made to me by her) and I feared that if I questioned her process, that there could be retaliatory measures against me.
It was not until a few dear friends and fellow Anusara teachers encouraged me to call Betsey Downing and inquire about switching reviewers that I did. The consequence of that initial call to Betsey not only resulted in my being assigned to Deb as my new reviewer but also the realization from the Certification Co-Chairs that there were major problems with other certification candidates in their dealings with my initial reviewer. The problems were so significant that this certification reviewer was removed from the Certification CT. It was never my intention to have this initial reviewer removed from the Certification CT. But, if as a result of my speaking up, it resulted in stopping an unproductive, painful and unattainable certification process for others, I am grateful I did step up and speak my truth. The most tragic part in all of this experience is that no one was speaking up. There were no checks and balances in the certification process that I was aware of to ensure that what I and others experienced would not occur.
Also, I do own that part of my subjecting myself to my certification process experience for so long was my need for successful completion and to validate my worth. Hell, I completed a law degree in three years, I had to complete my Anusara certification. Perhaps it was also ingrained in me in this community that in order to be truly valued as an Anusara teacher, you must complete your certification. I am so saddened that I fell for this mentality to the point of greatly questioning my worth as a yoga teacher and skillful person… I poured enormous energy and money into becoming a certified Anusara teacher. I did not have the opportunity to bask in the light of my accomplishment for one day John due to the news of your outrageous and unethical behavior. Your actions completely robbed me of experiencing any moment of joy or celebration regarding the completion of my certification.
I am completely exhausted emotionally by all of the upheaval and turmoil of the last three months. I feel deeply traumatized, angry, sad, numb, grief-stricken and so very heartbroken about how our community has shattered. As a result of all of the information that has come out during the last several months about your behavior, I no longer hold you as my senior teacher or an honorable teacher of yoga or spiritual philosophy. I choose to sever all relationship and connection to you. The primary reason I have arrived at this decision is because you have violated the majority of the significant teachings that you taught me. Some examples are truth, aligning with Grace, living with integrity, taking responsibility and being accountable for your actions, ahimsa, etc… You skillfully taught me how to practice and live “remember Spirit and live in Spirit” in your asana teaching. You taught me this as one of your students and as one of your teachers. This is the teaching I am most grateful to you for offering. But, this is tragically also the teaching that your actions and how you chose to live your life has desecrated the most significantly during the last several months and perhaps years. The contrast is stunning. There is no reconciliation of your teaching with your actions. I trusted you and took all your teachings to heart. I did my best to both teach and live the teachings in an authentic way. Your actions and failure to take responsibility and be accountable for your actions have destroyed all trust I had in you.
Further, you choose to not admit your wrongdoing and take responsibility for your actions in misaligning with the teachings. I honored you as a teacher not a guru or a God. I was well aware that you, like the rest of us, have the capacity for both immense light and shadow. I guess I hoped as the leader of Anusara yoga and a spiritual teacher that you would admit and take responsibility for your shadows and hold yourself accountable for inappropriate and unethical conduct.
The lesson I have learned most significantly from the current debacle of your unethical behavior and refusal to hold yourself accountable for your egregious actions is the importance to stand in my spiritual power and express my voice.
I extend abundant thanks to you for creating Anusara yoga and the UPA’s. This community and our methodology have transformed and enhanced my life in infinite ways. I will forever be grateful to you for the creation of Anusara yoga and the sacredness of the teachings. Your voice and the sacredness of your teachings were often present in the room with me when I was teaching. They will live in my heart always and with each passing day, a new level of awareness of the teachings unfolds for me. (another teaching I learned from you.) But now after all the truths I have learned about you the last three months, I want your voice out of my head, heart and soul. I want to extricate your words from my soul. I am not sure how I will do this-that is scary and unsettling- or how long it will take-but it is my clear intention now. Your actions leave me questioning every teaching and word you communicated to me.
My personal journal with Anusara has been extraordinary-like so many of your students have expressed. Our Anusara community is filled with extraordinary individuals-some of the BEST Beings I have ever met in my life. I had the immense good fortune to have our Beloved Suzie Hurley as my first Anusara teacher. I remember my first class clearly. It was a very full room in a Level I class and the first words she uttered were: “Yoga is first and foremost a spiritual practice.” I was in from the get go! By the end of that very first class, I experienced a tremendous shift and awakening. For the last 13 years, it has continued to unfold and unfold for me to deeper and richer levels of awareness that have deeply blessed my life. In 2003, after being a student of Anusara for four years, I began my first year-long teacher training with the great teachers Suzie Hurley, Moses Brown, Jenny Otto and Joe Miller.
When the www.JFexposed.com was revealed, I was Stunned. I had no idea of any of the allegations regarding your unethical and inappropriate behavior. It was chilling and shocking for me to sit with the gravity of the allegations about your behavior. Initially, I did not read the additional e-mails that were a part of this site until the last week when they were posted on the FB groups. My “Shock and Stunned barometer” skyrocketed… My compassion and concern for you also increased substantially. This spiritual tsumani your actions created and we are all experiencing is horrific. I can’t imagine the level of pain you must be feeling. I am so sorry for the unfathomable pain you feel. Unfortunately, your egregious actions have also caused tremendous pain for me and every member of our community…
For the past three months, I have been patiently listening (another lesson you taught me), waiting and listening and doing my best to take it all in… to be a respectful holder to all of the expressions of each sacred heart of our Kula. The events of the last three months are SURREAL as we have all experienced. The outpouring of words and hearts is stunning, heart-wrenching and so exquisitely raw.
I also up until recently have not been a “Facebooker.” This crisis has opened me to the world, both the gifts and obsessions of Facebook. I have read with great respect so many of the words and heart expressions of our kula. They have left me speechless and stunned. They have brought me to tears, oceans of tears over and over again. They have left me feeling so honored and fortunate to be a part of such an EXTRAORDINARY community. A community you created and a community your actions destroyed and has caused such severe harm to each one of us.
In my practice as an attorney, I represented numerous survivors of discrimination in the workplace. I represented many women and men who were discriminated on the basis of their sex and/or sexual orientation and mistreated by their employers. Prior to this journey, I directed a program for battered women and children for several years. I worked as an advocate for people who were survivors of abuses of power for approximately twenty-five years. For the last several months, the shock and grief in my heart in response to the allegations about your behavior has been so intense that I have felt unsteady to talk, unsure of what to say. It is a strange experience for me to feel unsteady and anxious to verbally express my feelings and opinions, especially in light of my work as a trained advocate for people for so many years.
What I learned from having the honor to represent many courageous individuals as an attorney is boundaries matter… Clear and appropriate boundaries are necessary to ensure that all individuals are treated with honor and respect.
Another lesson I learned is seeing and honoring the existence of power differentials: There is a power differential between teacher and student.
There is a power differential between employer and employee.
There is a power differential between lead teacher and other teachers.
To deny these power differentials, to not keenly and clearly respect and honor these power differentials sets the stage for ABUSES of POWER.
This appears to be what transpired between you and some of your teachers, students and employees.
When we abuse power and betray and hurt others, we must shift dramatically in order to begin to process the abuses of power, betrayal and hurt. This is a process that takes so much time, one as we know, you cannot rush or put an arbitrary time limit on. Interesting question for you John is how long were you committing abuses of power in the Anusara community? How long were you hurting and betraying members of the Ansuara community? In contrast, how long do you believe it will take you to begin to look at how you abused your power and this community? Is it appropriate that your time to sit with holding yourself accountable and healing be commensurate with the period of time that you were out of alignment and abusing your power?
The thing about power and abuses of power is that we all have a role in it as so many in our community have eloquently spoken of in the FB posts. I have been sitting with my failure to act in your power abuse and will continue to sit with that for a very long time. Although I have never been in your inner circles, it is striking what I remember and my reaction to it regarding you having relationships with women who were your students, teachers and employees. I recall being at a teacher training and pausing to observe the leadership exhibited by one of the women you were having a relationship with. (I had no knowledge of this at the time.) Energetically, I could tell, it was so powerful to observe how this woman carried herself and her interactions with you at this training that she must be in an intimate relationship with you. I had this exact same experience at another training several years later with another woman I subsequently learned was in an intimate relationship with you. In both of these situations, I clearly observed a significant transformation in how both of these women carried themselves. They were acting with such confidence, poise and power. Once I learned from someone else in the community that you were in fact in a relationship with the first woman, I asked: Is that appropriate? I mean she is one of his students, he is her senior teacher and he is her boss. The response I heard from most folks in our kula was they are all consenting adults-it is cool… I recall thinking really?? I voiced that I thought it was really inappropriate and filled with potential for it to become very messy and painful both to these women and to our community. But, it all continued. It all felt so uncomfortable. At the time, I felt like there was a “kula energy” of don’t judge John, they are all adults etc… But, when there is a power differential like this, you can’t have a genuine consensual relationship-the power differential is always present like the elephant in the room… It permeates the entire relationship often with little awareness on both individual’s parts.
These women were your students, you were their senior teacher and you were their boss. As a trained advocate for many years, I knew better. I regret not speaking more loudly, not voicing my significant concerns, but to whom I was uncertain. To be honest with you, I didn’t even know of the existence of an Ethics Committee or the identity of any of its members. When it came to the leadership of Anusara, all I ever really saw was John Friend. When was an Anusara Ethics Committee created and who was on it? If such a committee existed, why didn’t they intervene? I suspect because they didn’t have the power to act and/or control you. The fear of retaliation and punitive actions are palatable. These fears are very real and are the reasons why all of us sometimes don’t speak up. The fear of you using your power against us… So many lessons here for each of us…
I also experienced at teacher trainings your being harsh and insensitive to students in their asana practice. I personally had this experience once with you and it was very traumatic for me. I did find the courage to approach you after that session. Unfortunately, you were insensitive, dismissive and critical. I walked away feeling shaken and diminished. Yet I vowed as a result of how you treated me that day to never treat a student in that manner. It stays with me, and as a result, I always am mindful to treat each student with dignity, respect and sensitivity.
So, why am I resigning, why resign and why now? I am resigning because of your egregious, unethical and manipulative actions; your pattern of abusing your power and manipulating your students and teachers with regard to sex, money, and business matters; your repeated behavior as a sexual predator; violating many of the significant spiritual teachings and choosing to not be accountable; and your failure to admit your wrongdoing and hold yourself responsible and accountable for your misalignment.
I am compelled to resign now because of your conscious decision to not turn any power over to the Leadership CT. (“LC”); and your decision to force us as your teachers to either pay dues by Monday, April 30th or have our license rescinded, even though there remains numerous outstanding questions about the proposed Anusara school, the role of Ansuara Inc. with the school etc…
Recently, the LC informed us that some time in the future you may be permitted to return to teach Anusara yoga. Given the severity of your actions and the harm you have caused, I do not believe it would be appropriate for you to teach Anuara yoga or any type of yoga ever again. If we were in a regulated industry, your actions would have resulted in removal of your license and you would be forbidden to ever teach again. The recent news that you are in Barbados with your latest muse, another one of your Anusara teachers, rather than being in rehabilitation for your dysfunctional abuses of power, further supports the position that you should be prohibited from teaching again.
From communications with a representative of the Leadership CT. during the last few days, I was told, you are not selling Anusara Inc., and that the LC has no power at this time, that you and/or Wendy, acting on your behalf have not and will not transfer any power or authority to the LC. In fact, I asked that a grace period be provided for those of us who have chosen to not pay dues for 2012 given the current debacle. The request was denied and I was told that the decision was made by Wendy and that the LC had no authority to make this or any decisions at this time. Also, I was told that the dues are going to support Ansuara Inc., not the proposed school. It is appalling and incredulous that we have been forced to be in a crisis for the last three months that will go on for years as a result of your actions but you chose to not provide a grace period for your teachers to pay dues. You drew this line in the sand; I will not be subjected to your arbitrary actions any longer. I choose to resign from you, from Anusara as it has been and currently is.
Each day I pray a prayer you shared with many of us, a prayer you said you make each day: “may I align my will with your will” (the will of the Divine). Since our tsunami erupted, I have been saying this prayer as a mantra over and over again, numerous times each day. I hope you have continued to say this pray. May we all continue to say this pray for you and each member of our community. The light here for all of us to see is that the Divine stopped you in your tracks. The “www.JFexposed.com” was an invitation for you to sit with and begin to be accountable for your unethical behavior and abuses of power to our community. John, the universe has cracked you wide open. Although the last several months must be the darkest nights of your soul and I have profound compassion for you, it can also be the greatest gift for your alignment and return to spiritual freedom.
Please ask yourself, what do you want your legacy to be? How do you want the world to remember you? As the man who created this magnificent system and destroyed it? Or as the man who created this magnificent system, and acknowledged because of your extreme wrongdoing and abuses of power, and love for your community, that you did the right thing and left, so Anusara, the gift of Anusara will survive long after you?
I don’t know any other form of yoga. All I have ever practiced or taught is Anusara. Yet this is not enough for me to compromise my ethics and integrity. The great comfort of staying with something I know, something that is familiar cannot be the reason to condone your actions. I am making a conscious choice to focus my energy to live and teach with truth, authenticity, from Spirit and with sensitivity. I consciously choose to not give your unconscionable behavior any more of my energy and attention. Perhaps the greatest teachings we have from this crisis is about our shadows, how to realign when we misalign, and how to choose to act, be responsible and accountable when we fall from Grace.
I often ponder, what will I teach now? How will my teaching shift? I experience a sea of uncertainty with regard to these questions. Yet, this uncertainty about the unknown cannot be the reason for staying in Anusara. I do know that I am a highly trained and skillful yoga teacher and I stand strong in that knowledge. Perhaps these questions and this uncertainty is best left to surrender to the Divine and the practice of trusting the wisdom of the universe (another teaching I received from you).
I thank you for listening.
With Great Thanks & Compassion,
Janet (“J”) Vecchia